


Painful Memories

by yin13147



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Multi, POV First Person, Shounen-ai
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-12
Updated: 2012-09-12
Packaged: 2017-11-14 02:18:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/510264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yin13147/pseuds/yin13147
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Winter War, Toshiro's energy goes berserk so he's sent to the Human World where he'd stay with Ichigo until he gains full control of his powers once more. All the while there's another problem: the Adjuchas has multiplied a hundred-fold. When one makes a deadly attack on Toshiro, the Captain gains the power to read someone's memories by touch. IchiHitsu</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The Vandenreich arc and the Fullbring arc doesn't exist in this fic.

CHAPTER 1

Half a year passed after the Winter War. Everything was back to normal. Well, not exactly.

I lost my arm and my leg, but they were taken care of within two months of surgery and medication. But there was a side effect. I lost a lot of control over my Spirit Energy, and it makes Soul Society a freezing coven. It's extremely obvious because every single day, I see a lot of Shinigami wearing shawls and any kind of clothing that could protect them from the cold air looming everywhere in Seireitei.

I feel bad about it, but I can't find anything to help me control my powers. I also wonder sometimes why no one is doing anything about it, because I know it's a huge problem for them too. It's not just the cold which is what they're worried about, but they're also concerned about the fact that my energy is sort of smothering people who have weak resistance against all the energy flowing out me.

This feels like when I was still not a Shinigami.

And that's not the only problem. Aizen may be imprisoned for twenty thousand years and the Espada are finished, but a new problem arose. The number of Adjuchas increased drastically. Some can say that there are more Adjuchas than there are Gillian.

At least there are no other major problems to take care of. We already had been through more than enough as it is.

* * *

 

Today, I'm just reading books now that I finished my paperwork. There isn't anything better to do anyway. But through the open window behind my back, a Hell Butterfly flies inside and lands on my finger, giving me a message.

Go to the First Division Barracks immediately.

I know what this means. There's going to be a meeting between us Captains, and in one flash step I disappeared from my office and appeared in front of the gates leading inside the meeting room. I wait for a while until the gates open, allowing me entrance inside.

My eyes go left and right, and I see that the other Captains are there. Patiently, we stand in silence in our positions until the Captain-Commander speaks, which officially starts the meeting.

I wasn't that surprised when he mentioned my leaking Spirit Energy, but I'm glad that they're planning to do something about it. They wouldn't have a plan in store for me if they won't mention my powers right now. Some of the Captains look at me calmly with their eyes as the Captain-Commander continued speaking. None of them look mad. No one could blame me after all.

"Therefore, Toshiro Hitsugaya will be sent to the World of the Living and participate with Ichigo Kurosaki in protecting Karakura Town from the Adjuchas."

That surprised me, but I don't show it in my face. It sounds so simple, that they could have thought of it sooner. But the problem with the Adjuchas occurred starting only a month ago, so I don't make a big deal about it.

"Toshiro Hitsugaya, do you have anything to say about this?"

I shook my head. I'm not in the mood to use my mouth to state my answers today. And afterwards, the Captain-Commander dismissed us. Every one of us Captains went our separate ways, going back to our offices. But I'm sure that today would be my last day in Soul Society. Not forever, of course.

The only problem now is Matsumoto, who will of course do my paperwork during my absence but she's as lazy and incompetent as ever. I frown grimly at thinking of going back with a mountain of paperwork in my office and Matsumoto being slumped on the sofa, a bottle of sake in her hand and her face looking like she can't even finish one single sheet of paperwork.

* * *

 

As expected, Matsumoto whined unhappily when I told her the news. I scoff at the new jacket that she's wearing over her kimono. She possibly got it from some store here that now sells some clothes that come from the World of the Living.

"No complains and no buts, Matsumoto. You'll be doing my work while I'm gone, whether you like it or not." I said with a glare, but she remains obstinate and lazy. So I played out another card, my Spirit Energy spiking around her.

"If I come back and you finished any of your work, you're going to be punished like you've never been before." I swear, I don't know how to punish her. She tries saying something, but my energy spiked even more and she shivers.

"Okay, okay."

I know that she might not agree completely, so I added something else. "And I'll visit once every two weeks to check on you. Seriously, not one work done and you're going to get it. Understand?" I don't feel like shouting, but my voice sounds cold towards her. Well, it's the only thing that sets her straight.

"I get it, already. But why do you have to be so mean to me?" she said, her voice sounding like she's a ditz.

I shrug, beginning to take my leave. "Well, it's because you're my Lieutenant and Captains look out for their subordinates. Another is because you're completely hopeless."

She pouts but I still leave, the other members of the Tenth Division coming out to say their goodbyes. I politely bow to them to return the favors, and I walk towards the grand Senkaimon. Guards there begin to open it once they saw me, and I continue moving my feet forward until I'm inside the Precipice World. I don't even bother to look back, because it's not like I'll be gone forever. This is just a mission as well as something that could help in me regaining control of my powers again.

It made it easier for me to reach the other end of the tween of the human world and the spiritual world when the Cleaners aren't present, and I land on a tall post when I stepped out the Senkaimon. The air around me is warm and clear, and I breathe it in as I stand above Karakura Town.

Now, the next thing to do is to find Kurosaki. It's a little harder to find him through his energy, because he gained full mastery over his powers after the war ended which also means that he can conceal his presence perfectly. But if I remember what his house looked like, it seemed to be at the far edge on the west and I started to make a few flash steps there.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Bleach.

CHAPTER 2

I stop by the door of Kurosaki's home, and I knock twice on the door before it opened. Kurosaki looked at me and he didn't seemed surprised. It's like he's expecting me.

He didn't seem to change at all, except that he got taller and it made me feel inferior to him, but I shove it to the back of my mind.

He smiles, then looks at my haori and my kimono. He sighed after, running a hand through the back of his hair.

"Seriously, you didn't go to Urahara-san's place first to get your Gigai?" Is the first thing that he said. I got a little mad because I expected at least a simple hello. But he has a point there. No one can see me and people might think he's crazy because he's talking to air. I see a few people not far from here walk the street, and I enter immediately. Kurosaki shrugs and closes the door.

There's no sign of his family and it makes things better.

"Why the haste, Toshiro?" When he mentions my name, I was about to remind him to call me the right way but for now, since I'm suspended for valid reasons, I'm not a Captain as of now so I don't say what I occasionally say to him.

"Because people might see you talking to me and believe you have a nail hit on your head." I explain smoothly, and he takes me to his room. It's not as cramped as the last time I was here, because five other Shinigami were with me that time.

"Are you sure I can stay here?"

"It's not like my family would mind." he shrugged. He looks at me, and I know that he can see the heavy outline of Spirit Energy flowing out my body and making the room feel crisp. "They know everything, about Shinigami, about you, about everything that I know. They have the right to know."

"You didn't have to say that." I mutter, and I sit on his bed to rest my feet. He doesn't mind what I did, and he sits beside me but we keep our distance.

"To clear up questions I said it. I just hope you won't be a pain." he said and I frown but I have to be honest, I may be a little too much on him. He does nothing but help me, yet I always give him the coldest shoulder I've ever given anyone. So I sigh in understanding.

"Don't worry, I won't."

"That's great. By the way, how's Hinamori doing?"

I turn glum for a moment, looking away and facing the window. "She's getting better. But she's not yet awake."

"At least it's better than getting worse, right?"

I nod. Silence fills the place apart from the cold, and I head for the window. "I'll go get my Gigai then. I'll be back soon."

"You better hurry. The Adjuchas often appear in the mid-afternoon." he stated and I immediately jumped out, making my way to the small candy store in a few flash steps. I slide the door open with ease and enter, where the blonde-haired hat-and-clogs-wearing ex-Captain is arranging the small wrapped treats.

"Ahem!" I clear my throat to notify him of my presence and he calmly brings out a box instantly. It seems like he doesn't care about the cold.

"Hi, Captain Hitsugaya. This is your Gigai, as well as your new Gikon in this box." I got piqued with interest, even though I know a Gigai is just an empty look-alike of us where we put our souls into. There's something about me that wants me to look at myself in the flesh.

When Urahara opens the box, I walk closer and I see my human body positioned inside the box, like it was just resting. Without any words, I project my spirit inside the soulless body and I get out the box, my body feeling a little groggy. It's always like this when I go inside a Gigai after a long while of not doing it. Then I take the small bottle containing the Gikon.

"Thanks. Now then, I'll be taking my leave." I walk out, and I start to go back to Kurosaki's home. I pass by a few people and they shiver once I'm close to them, and I clicked my tongue. So even in human form, my energy isn't compressed even by one bit. I really have to do something about this, and fast. Because humans are less resistant to my powers than the Shinigami are.

I climb up the window where I left the house, and Kurosaki welcomed me without complaint.

"You could have used the door." he commented.

"It's more convenient for me this way." I state. Then I take a scan around the room and it's not his room. It looks like his room, but the bedsheets are different and it looks more spacious because there are less things stacked inside.

"So, this is going to be my room?"

"As long as you're here, yes." he answered. "I'll go get something to eat. You hungry?"

Because I filled myself with amanatto given by my grandma before I left, I shook my head and he left the room, going downstairs. Now, I don't sense any threatening presences nearby so I just lie on the bed. It's small, but it's very comfortable and I let my body settle on the cushion.

Suddenly, I tense when I feel something in the sky rip. I rise up the bed and from the window, I can see a large gate rip in two, making an enormous opening. Several Adjuchas along with low-level Hollows enter the town, roaring into the atmosphere. I didn't need waste another second when I swallowed my Gikon, allowing my spirit form to eject out the Gigai.

I see Ichigo already on the sky and he looks back at me. We nod at each other once, and we charge towards them. Thankfully, they're as slow as turtles.

"Be careful, Toshiro. This time, there are more of them than I'd usually handle." he warned, his voice dead serious. Of course I'd be, and I nod at him in agreement. When we're in range, we draw out our swords from our backs and begin to eliminate them one by one. Apparently, I thought it's going to be piece of cake but these mid-class Menos are harder to handle than I thought.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

I swing my sword in all directions with precision, cutting down every single masked beast that approaches me. From afar, when an Adjuchas tries charging a powerful Cero with three others, I called forth an ice dragon from my Zanpakutou. At the same time, Kurosaki also fired a Getsuga from his blade in the same direction, and the impact obliterated the four Menos along with others near it. It gave me slight relief as I begin slashing down more and more Hollows.

But still, the fight seemed to be fruitless. No matter how many we cut down, it's as if the number isn't reduced by even one. It frustrated me, but I keep my calm and I release three more dragons to freeze more Adjuchas and the ice breaks down into pieces, along with the frozen Menos.

I feel fear for a moment when I see another gate from afar, where more Adjuchas come out. I grit my teeth and more dragons come out from Hyourinmaru to try and reduce the number in this area, but the monsters are very persistent.

And any efforts I make in Shikai to completely destroy them won't work, so I decided to use my other chance.

"Bankai!"

And I could feel the weight of ice wings on my back, which I'm used too, as well as the ice armor covering my arms and lower legs, forming claws on the end. My power increases tenfold and I use Guncho Tsurara to kill off many of the Hollows. Slowly, it starts to work. When I look to see what Kurosaki is doing, he's already on the area where the other gate is, slashing down many Hollows with his large sword and firing differently-shaped Getsugas once in a while.

I turn back to my share of Hollows, and my energy rages as I prepare one last attack. I'm already set on finishing this, because my powers are causing the weather around me to be dangerous, and because it's getting on my nerves that if I don't do anything, I'll be fighting them until evening. With a low growl I mutter, "Ryusenka." And I charge forward, driving my way through the horde of Adjuchas and stabbing the gate, killing all the other Hollows that threaten to come out. The gate closes completely after the attack, and only few are left.

I fire more dragons and icicles at them but I turned a blind eye to a high-class Adjuchas looming behind me. I was so focused on what's on front of me, that I didn't pay any attention to my back and before I knew it, I feel a blood-curdling pain hit my body as shocks of electricity and waves of deafening noises weaken my body to an extent. I screamed in pain, and I feel like my brain's being fried. I cover my ears and grab my forehead, my body falling down to my knees.

My skin sizzles literally and I feel all of my body go weak and burned and shattered in the attack. All the ice around my body shatters and I scream some more. It hurts so much that I wish it would stop.

"TOSHIRO!"

The attack that lasted for almost like an eternity ends when the Hollow behind me is defeated, thanks to Kurosaki who went closer and lifted me up with ease. I feel too weak to stand, and I can't even see clearly. When I lazily raise my arm, I'm filled to the brim with horror when I see the severe burns. Then I look up and I see Kurosaki's face, which is filled with nothing but worry. He quickly leads me back to his house, and everything else was a blur.

The damage of the attack made it hard for me to see so much, and the noises released in the same attack almost destroyed my eardrums. I couldn't register much of what was Kurosaki doing, but I did my best to stay awake to know what's going on. I could barely remember him calling someone through his phone, and someone else entering the room and summoning a sort of barrier around my body. It felt soothing and I start to feel mellow, the pain in my body slowly dissipating. Then I pass out, the sounds and sights drowning out to black.

* * *

 

I wake up and I see Kurosaki pacing and pacing, looking slightly worried. It's my fault why he looks like that, and why I got hurt badly. But I look at my arms and my legs, and the burns are gone. He stops pacing when I removed the sheets which made a ruffling sound, and he sighs with relief.

"I worried you there, didn't I?" I ask bitterly. If only I wasn't so stupid!

"Yeah you did. But what matters is that you're okay. You were lucky that I was done already with the Hollows on that side when you were being killed, otherwise any more seconds of suffering that and you're dead." I flinch at the thought. But I stay as calm as possible, because I think of the worse near-death situations I've been to before to ease the pain a little.

"Sorry for the trouble." I muttered and he sighed, his hand reaching out for my hair.

"Don't worry. Again, the main point is that you're alive and you're fully healed." When his hand touches my hair, I see images flash in my head. There are so many of them, but I can identify each.

**_A world full of buildings under a cloudy sky._ **

**_A white-clad Kurosaki look-alike grinning._ **

**_A dark-haired Espada charging a black Cero, then the same Espada fading in ashes._ **

**_Aizen in the form of a monstrous butterfly with a silver orb on the hollow of his chest._ **

They shock me and the images stop when Kurosaki removes his hand from my head.

"Well, since it's late in the evening already you must be hungry." By coincidence, my stomach rumbles to prove his point. "I'll go make dinner, so just lay down there and wait, okay?"

I just nodded and he left soon after. I shake my head when the images appear again when I try to remember what I just saw in my head. My hand goes to my hair where it was touched by Kurosaki. I'm puzzled. Either it's just a trick of the mind, or real images. But I'm kind of sure that the images feel too real and intense to be just my mind playing games with me. But I've been through quite a lot today, so I let my body rest while I wait for Kurosaki to come back up with dinner.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

The night when I got attacked passed by calmly. There were no other invasions that night, but my first fight with all the Adjuchas made me realize that the next battles will most likely be more tiring and troublesome. I guess that's another reason why they sent me here, because it would be unfair if Kurosaki would handle the mess all by himself. But I think he's doing a fairly good job even on his own.

I think about my sleep. My dreams consist of nothing but those images I saw in my head when Kurosaki touched me. They weren't a nightmare, exactly. It's just not making me comfortable, because the visions were sort of grim to me. They were dark and I felt the terror in them all. It isn't getting any better for me, but I hide my discomfort towards that subject when Kurosaki entered the room to check on me. It wasn't needed, but it's obvious enough to know that he has this drive to look out for others.

"Hello." he greets, and I simply nod back. He stays silent for a while before telling me to come down for breakfast, and since I feel the emptiness of my stomach, I agree silently. We walk downstairs and I see two young girls. I turn my attention to one of them, who I recognize all too well.

"Hello, Toshiro." she waved, and I waved back but I didn't say anything. Then the other girl with light brown hair smiles at me. "Hi." she greets with a sweet tone. I expected them to be irked by my appearance, as I expect almost every human to, but since Ichigo is their brother, I guess they're used to it. "Good morning." I say politely as I sit on a chair. Kurosaki sat beside me and we waited for a few minutes until the food was ready. "So... you're the Shinigami who'll be staying with Ichi-nii. What a coincidence."

"What? Karin, you met him before?"

"Once. He helped me nail those middle school kids. Serves them right." Karin replied while cocking her head to me. It was an old memory, but I enjoyed it... a little. We pick our chopsticks at the same time and we start giving grace to our food.

"Itadakimasu."

Before I could eat, I looked at the sisters. "By the way, I didn't get your name yet." I say to the one with light hair, and she nonchalantly introduced herself. "I'm Yuzu. Nice to meet you. Aside from Rukia-san, you're the first Shinigami I've encountered."

"Aren't I a Shinigami too, Yuzu?" Kurosaki said with a smile, eating a slice of hotdog.

"Half, Onii-chan." I felt amused to how she exaggerated in pronouncing 'half'. All the while, it's a little disturbing that they're talking like it's no big deal, but I'm pretty sure that it's all for the better. Because, the past is in the past.

"That's not funny." I watch in disbelief because his statement's belied by his little chuckle.

"Come on guys, the food will get cold." Karin called with a light smile on her lips. The other two agreed and they ate their food. I also started to eat, but my eyes kept on looking at them. Somehow, watching them interact like the siblings that they are make me remember my life when I still was a kid, away from the life of being a Shinigami.

We resumed eating again. No one said anything anymore, but the silence isn't awkward.

"Toshiro, can you give me the water?" Karin called, pointing to the full pitcher in front of me. I reach out my hand and grab the handle, moving it to her.

"I'll get that." Ichigo volunteers, since Karin's a little far from me. He takes hold of the handle and the side of his hand touches mine. I flinch lightly and more visions come to my head. It all seems distant and also... forlorn.

**_Two newborn babies lying on their cribs with peaceful faces._ **

**_A dojo with a spike-haired girl and a gentle-looking woman with orange hair._ **

**_Rain in the sky, and an overflowing river with a girl._ **

**_Blood, and a dead body._ **

**_A tombstone._ **

Somehow, it all seems connected, and I feel my chest hurting from those visions. But I don't let it show, because I can't afford to make any accidents while we're eating. Once it's over, I assist Yuzu in cleaning the dishes.

"You don't have to do that, Toshiro-kun." Yuzu said, but I shake my head. "It's alright. I have to assist you people since I'm staying over. It's just normal." From that, she smiles and I pass over the dishes for her to scrub.

"Say, Toshiro-kun, what is it like to be a Shinigami?" she asks as she looks at my face with curiosity.

"Why do you want to know?" I ask in return.

"Well, I've never been to Soul Society before. But Onii-chan told me that the first time he was there, he fought a lot of 'tight-asses' and 'berserkers'." Yuzu laughs at the words she just said. And I think Kurosaki most likely used the words 'tight-ass' and 'berserker' to describe the Shinigami he clashed blades with when he was still deemed a ryoka.

"It's okay, as long as you don't stir up any trouble."

"So what Onii-chan said was right. You really abide by the laws."

"Well, thanks to him it softened because..."

"To save lives, sometimes you have to break the rules." Kurosaki said from behind me. I'm not that surprised to hear him suddenly sneak up behind us. And it's a coincidence that he said what I was about to say, that I sigh. Then, for some reason, Yuzu touches my hand with a cheery smile. The shock comes back, bringing more visions in my mind.

**_Being lifted in the air violently by an unseen force._ **

**_Eating dinner in a bedroom before sleeping over._ **

**_Eavesdropping with an older man from the door of a room, before being kicked over._ **

At least, they don't seem that bad compared to the second time it happened, and I just shake my head to distract myself from the images. We continue washing, and I avoid making physical contact with anyone all the time before I go to my room. Somehow, the images appear only when I touch someone... most likely.

It feels frustrating, and I called for Hyourinmaru to appear. Then I sit on the bed, balancing the sword vertically in front of me and I meditate to get in touch with him in his world. Soon, I'm in the icy fortress again where snow greets my bare feet and cold wind goes through my skin. Since I'm used to it, I don't react negatively and I watch him appear before me as a dragon, and he slowly transforms into his other appearance.

" **What is it you wish to speak with me?** " he asks in his echoing, deep voice. I'm never here unless I have a reason.

"Something... is wrong with me. Not me, exactly. Somehow... whenever someone touches me, or if I touch someone, images or visions go in my head. How did this happen?"

" **Do you remember when you got attacked to near death by that Adjuchas?** "

I remember that, but I don't say it out loud. Thinking deeply, I can recall the attack consisting of sounds and shocks, and the fact that my brain felt so painful at that feeling.

"Are you saying that the attack did something with me and gave me the ability to... to..." For as much as I could explain things and make a conclusion, strangely I'm at a loss of words this time. " **See the memories of others through touch? Yes, Master.** " It astounded me to hear him say that, to confirm it and to make me fully realize it. He walks closer and touches my shoulder, but I don't get any visions from him. " **Don't worry, we're practically of the same spirit so nothing's happening.** " he assured. I feel a little enlightened, but it doesn't drop the subject.

"How can I get rid of it?" There is a hint of desperation in my voice, and I'm very aware of that. This... ability, it doesn't make things any better for me. The fact that I almost got killed is in the past. What matters is this power, which I do not want. I don't want to see people's memories. It's like prying into their lives, all the while seeing the bad parts in their lives which feel like a wound in my heart to watch.

" **I don't know. I can't find an answer to that question, Master. But I can say that, this power might be of great benefit to you.** " Of great benefit? I would laugh if it was someone else who said that, but this is my Zanpakutou, and he doesn't just say things out of the blue. "Why would it benefit me? I don't understand." he closes his eyes, his form slowly turning transparent. " **In time you will. You should go back now, I can hear their voices calling for you.** " No words could form in my mind nor my throat, and it stayed like that until the Jinzen with Hyourinmaru ended.

For the rest of the day, I don't make contact with them and I was very careful in doing that. Even though Hyourinmaru says that this kind of... telepathy would benefit me, I don't see any good in it at all. And again, my dreams were of nothing but the visions I saw through touching them. And Kurosaki's memories seem kind of...

... of something that makes me think he's more than just a man with a heart of gold. Throughout all that, he may have suffered way more than severe battle injuries. But the memories were all vague that I can't make that assumption a justified conclusion.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

I have to consider myself lucky, that two weeks after discovering I can read people's memories, I haven't touched anyone. That makes it better, because it would take a toll on my mind if I didn't try avoiding physical contact. But Kurosaki nor his family suspects something wrong with me because I'm doing my best to make it look all natural. All the while, I'm fighting the Adjuchas and Gillian with him. And I have to be grateful, they're not much of a pain like on my first day of kicking their asses.

Today's the seventeenth of June, and I'm sitting on the sofa while listening to the radio. It's not my thing, but it's interesting to try new things while I'm staying here. The current song playing on the radio sounds, as Kurosaki described it for me, acoustic. And it's comfortable to listen to, as I let the lyrics go to my head.

  
And you don't seem to understand   
A shame you seemed an honest man   
And all the fears you hold so dear   
Will turn to whisper in your ear   
And you know what they say might hurt you   
And you know that it means so much   
And you don't even feel a thing   


  
I am falling   
I am fading   
I have lost it all   


The lyrics give a pretty negative feel, but I don't care. I arch back my head to relax my body even further, until I hear the sound of rushing footsteps from the stairs. Opening my eyes, I turn around and I see Kurosaki, his sisters, and his father all dressed up and seemingly ready to go somewhere. Curious, I ask them which made them stop walking, "Where are you going?"

"Somewhere." Kurosaki replies, his voice a little strange. He doesn't sound hoarse, but he sounds like he's in another world. And his face looks melancholy. They bid goodbye and left the place, but I'm curious. All of a sudden, Kurosaki just turned glum or something. Something's wrong, but not the kind of wrong that involves Hollows.

Curious, I slip my feet into a pair of sneakers that was bought for me to use, and I walk out after locking the doors. The people around me shiver and I remember that I have to do something about my energy. But right now I decide to follow Kurosaki. It's not like me to follow people and see what they're doing, but I don't like any questions in my head being unanswered either. Keeping my distance from them was necessary because my energy's a little off, they can sense me if I go any closer. There's nothing I can think of to suppress my power, even just a little. But I haven't lost sight of them.

It was unexpected to see them stop by a cemetery. They're going uphill, and I continue following them. I don't understand why would they go to a cemetery, but I remember the vision about a dead woman when Kurosaki touched my hand by coincidence a few days ago. And I don't see Kurosaki's mother; none of them even told me anything about their life but who am I to impose?

Maybe they're visiting her grave. To be sure, I don't stop walking behind them. I became shocked when Kurosaki turned around and glanced at me, but he doesn't seem to mind me following him. He just looks at me for a moment and continues walking, and I resume going after them. They stop by a small tombstone. I still stay a couple of feet away from them, so I can't see what's carved on the stone. I make sure that they can't see me either.

"Mom..." Kurosaki whispers, and his voice reaches my ears. "So it is his mother who they're visiting." I thought, and I watch them for a while.

All of them, including me, stay at the same spot for minutes until I hear Yuzu say, "We should go now. I'm sure Mom's okay that we visited her." Nodding at each other, they start to leave. Then I hear Kurosaki tell the others that he'll stay for a little longer, and they agreed like they're alright with it. Soon, when they were gone, he looks at me with those cinnamon-brown eyes of his.

"Come here." he asks, but not in a demanding way. Doing what he says, I walk closer and I stand beside him as a I look at the engraved letters.

**Masaki Kurosaki**

**A kind and loving mother.**

I read them all over again, as silence creeps in and makes things so lacking of noise. The only hings I could hear where the soft rustling of leaves. I got so frustrated in a while, and I asked him a simple question. "What kind of mother is she?" came from my mouth and he answers with a warm smile, "The best mother anyone could ask for." He draws in a deep breath and I'm sure he's reminiscing about his mother.

"You know, Toshiro... back then I wasn't always the tough guy. I was a crybaby before, I have to admit. But it's because I know I'll be smiling again when my mom would come by to pick me up from the dojo. Trust me, I cry every single time I lose one. Sounds pathetic for someone like me, right?"

He was chuckling and smiling while saying that. I see him smile a lot of times, but this one's different. It seems pained and happy at the same time and it's slightly unnerving me. And it also reminds me of a memory that I absorbed not so long ago. In that memory, I saw a beautiful woman; her hair color matched Kurosaki's. That's his mother, most likely.

"But one day, on the same date today, we were just walking by a river. It was super rainy back then too, and when I looked at the riverbank there was a girl. She looked like she was going to jump and I blindly rushed in to save her. Mom called for me to stop, but I continued running until it was too late."

"So she drowned?" I ask, a tinge of fear in my voice. His eyes grew weary and filled with pain of remembering that event, and I know it's my fault but he doesn't seem to blame me. He shook his head a little.

"No. Back then, when I didn't know what really happened, I don't know what happened to the girl I tried to save, but I turned unconscious all of a sudden at that time. And when I woke up, my mom was lying on top of me, with blood all over her. I tried waking her up, but she was already dead. And I blamed myself."

Without even thinking, I touch his arm in a moment of pity and more memories rush to my mind; they're all relating to that day when his mother's death happened. I could see it all, the rush of the moment, the blackness of losing one's consciousness, the shock, the grief. My emotions are reacting to those memories, and my breath hitched. They were all too painful to watch, but I couldn't let go of his arm. The surprise made me so stiff.

He looked at me, and I'm sure that I looked shocked like I saw a monster. "Toshiro, are you okay?"

No, I'm not. I try pulling my hand away from his arm, but to no avail. It seems ridiculous but my hand's stuck like glue and more memories sink in. It's no longer about that same tragedy, but rather of many other memories that are also full of somberness and loss. But it all stems back from his childhood, and I can't comprehend each clearly since they're all rushing so fast like several spirals, taking me in so many directions and not giving me the moment to think clearly.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked again and I know I'm completely not alright if my body's like this. My hand shakes as I thought to myself repeatedly to move. But more and more memories come in and it's overloading my mind. I don't just see them anymore like before. There are some memories wherein I can hear screams or the cruel words of the enemies, and even feel the blows and slashes they'd give. The horrifying feel crept up to my very nerves, and finally I let go of him. But not without panting in shock.

Kurosaki asks the same question of concern again and again, telling me to hold on, but I didn't listen to him and I passed out instantly.

Guessing... I'm guessing that at least three hours has passed when I became unconscious. And all the memories I absorbed from Kurosaki in the cemetery, I understand it now. After the memory of his mother's death went in my mind, they were followed with many other memories of him defending others, fighting foes whether human or Hollow.

But why only those?

I opened my eyes and I waited until my vision cleared up. The clock beside my bed stated that it was almost six in the evening. I keep on hearing the slow ticking sounds, and when I was about to get up, Yuzu entered the room with soup and tea.

"Here you go. Seriously, why would you pass out? Onii-chan even told me that you're a Captain. A Captain! He said they're one of the most well-respected in Soul Society, and they don't blink away like that."

It sounded like an insult, but she is only told about us. She doesn't know exactly what we're going through, and how we feel about it, so I don't glare at her and I just exhale through my nose.

"But..." Her tone drops and she sounds more sympathetic. "You were almost killed a week ago, so I can't blame you. It might have weakened your body, Onii-chan said, and that it would take time for you to completely recover."

That's true in a way, and I said nothing more. I fed on the food given to me, and it tasted delicious. It's not too hot, and it's warm enough for my tongue. The tea has some scent that makes me want to drink another cup, but I was already stuffed after eating it all and I handed the tray back to her.

"By the way, I know what happened to your mother."

Because of what I said, she froze and she gives a sad look at me. "So Onii-chan told you. That's strange, he'd never tell anyone of his past. Not aside from Tatsuki-chan, Orihime-chan, and Rukia-chan."

"It's tragic I know. When he told me about it, I saw the pain in his voice." As well as feel his emotions when I touched him to sympathize with Kurosaki; but I left that part. "I never thought that that would be the reason why he'd try so hard to protect others." As I said that, the memories made it clearer to why only the memories of all the battles he went through were the ones that I absorbed.

"Well, I'll be going now." And she leaves, whereas I fall back on the bed. I remember what Yuzu told me and what I told her, but I didn't lie at any word I said to her. That's right. I'm starting to see Kurosaki as more of a brat. Maybe then I would act less grouchy towards him.

But I have to get rid of this power, and fast. The migraines that begin plaguing my head are never doing anything good for me, and I take out my phone. There's only one person I can talk to about this, even if I'm the least comfortable towards him. Clicking on Kurotsuchi's contact, I pressed the phone to my ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lyrics is from the song Duvet by Boa.


End file.
